PHAN ONE SHOTS
by ThePhanWhoLived
Summary: Okay, so these are just some mini Phan stories. Some will be sad, but i will try to write some happy stories to cheer up the mood :) Enjoy x
1. Never Forget

(Set in 2022)

*Phil's pov*

The blood drips like a leaking tap on to the snow white tiles of the bathroom. Drip. Drip. Drip.

The pain that shatters my heart every day is still here. Just one more cut will get rid of it, right? I pick up the blade, running it down my arm. The pain is almost unbearable, as I cut into my flesh, but it covers over the constant heart ache. The blood flows faster now, and the tears follow.

It's time. It's time to let go. I can't continue anymore, it's getting ridiculous. I can't carry on like this. I can't.

Dan will understand. He has to. I look from the sleeping pills, to the goodbye letter, to the pale boy in the mirror.

I can't do this anymore.

This is it.

Before giving myself another moment to think, I shove all 12 sleeping pills in my mouth, forcing them down with a glass of water. I sit down and lean against the wall. I think about Dan, wanting that boy to be the last thing on my mind when I finally go.

It's weird. Dying is weird. I feel as though I'm floating as the bathroom goes blurry.

I guess it's true that when you die, you whole life flashes before your eyes. Every single happy memory with Dan comes back for a final stab in the heart.

The Skype calls. The Manchester eye. The first PINOF video. All of the best memories flash before me, including the day we came out to the Internet. Each memory feels like a dream. I lovely dream. The series of memories end on our wedding day back in 2015. I want to crawl back into the memory. I want to go back to that day, where we were happy. Where the cherry blossoms fell. I want to go back to Japan.

It hurts so bad, but then the pain is gone and everything goes black.

*Phil's letter*

Dear Dan,

I'm sorry I had to end it like this, but I couldn't carry on like I was. As selfish as it may sound, I couldn't stand seeing you with her. I just couldn't handle watching you having a normal life, with a wife. And when the baby girl came along, I knew. I knew there was no going back. No going back to 2009.

Please don't be sad that I'm gone. You don't need me. You have your wife and Winnie. They will look after you. All I ask of you is that you never forget. Don't forget those 8 years that I was truly happy. Never forget that moment at the train station when you ran into my arms crying, like a little fangirl. Never forget the four hour long Skype calls. Never forget the first time we kissed on the Manchester Eye. And most of all, Never forget the shit storm when we first came out to the Internet! Never forget.

I understand that you will have lots of questions, but I am afraid I cannot answer them.

Please tell Winnie that uncle Phil has gone to a better place.

See you in the morning, bear.

Love from Phil xxx


	2. Goodbye Internet

*Dan's POV*

It still hasn't sunk in. I doubt it ever will.

He's gone, and he is never coming back.

It's been three weeks since I got the phone call now. That one damned phone call that made my entire universe implode. I had rushed to the hospital as fast as I could, but by the time I got there it was too late. My beautiful Phil was gone.

His funeral was yesterday. It ripped me apart to see him being lowered into his grave, but I knew he wouldn't want me to cry over him, so I held it in until I got home. That's when the tears fell the most. Everything I looked at had a significant memory of Phil, and each memory felt like a sharp stab in the heart.

So now, here I am, sat on Phil's bed with the camera set up, ready to say goodbye. There is no way I can carry on without that man by my side. It was a journey for two, and nobody could ever replace Phil. I wipe away the tears, and turn the camera on.

"Hello Internet." I say dully. "So, you may have been wondering why I have been completely inactive for the past three weeks. Some of you may have heard the rumours, and I am here to confirm them." I take a deep breath before I continue.

"On Friday the 28th of June 2019, our beloved AmazingPhil passed away." I can't hold the tears in any more. I let out a sob to the camera and continue. "Phil was involved in an accident, and to cut a long and devastating story short, he was hit by a car. I ran as fast as I could to the hospital, but by the time I got there it was too late. Phil was dead" I am bawling my eyes out now, like a little child.

"I'm s-so s-sorry internet." I cry. I bite my lip, willing the tears to stop. "I understand that many of you will be extremely upset, but none of you will ever know how much Phil meant to me. For me, he was more than just 'The Guy with the Hair from YouTube'! He was more than just my best friend!" by now, I'm just a mess of tears and emotions. I break down, wailing and sobbing for another five minutes, burying my face in his pillow and inhaling the sweet coconut smell of Phil. I look back at the camera, my eyes red and puffy from crying.

"Without Phil Lester, I am nothing. I'm just another guy." I take a deep breath, preparing for what I am about to say. "Internet, the time has come for me to say farewell. I can't do this anymore. I cannot be your Internet Cult Leader. I am just Dan. And this is the last video I will ever make.

"I couldn't have asked for a better audience, so thank you all so much. Thank you for giving be the best ten years of my life. My journey with Phil has been awesome ever since the beginning, back in 2009. 10 years ago, Phil and I had just started Skyping each other. We've gone from PINOF 1, to PINOF 9, and it was the most fun I've ever had." I have stopped sobbing like a baby now, but the tears still stream uncontrollably down my face.

"Rest in Peace, Phil Lester." I let out one last sob. "Goodbye Internet." I salute, and turn the camera off. I lie back on Phil's bed, and let the tears flow. I sob and scream and wail, but the pain doesn't go. My heart is broken beyond repair, I prepare to have an eternal Existential Crisis.


	3. Skinny Love

**This short story is based on the song 'Skinny Love' by Bon Iver. If you haven't already, I suggest you go listen to it because it is an awesome song! (It is also sung by Birdy!)**

*Phil's POV*

I don't know how much more of this I can take. Our relationship is getting smaller and weaker by the day, like it is being starved. I cry myself to sleep most nights, just hoping and praying that something will fix the damage, but I doubt that it is repairable. We have run out of ways to cover over the wreck that is us. Even salt wouldn't heal the wounds in my heart.

Your anger is getting worse. Every little thing I do wrong, you lose it. It's hard trying to hide the little things, and it kills me to lie to my friends when they ask about the bruises. I am too scared to tell anyone about anything, for I know for sure I would be dead meat if I told a soul. The other day, you threw a mug at my head. Luckily I ducked out of the way just in time. My hands shook like crazy as I tried to pick up the broken glass. It seems like every time you try to hurt me, another piece of me crumbles. Soon I will crumble away completely.

I need to get out of this. I have tried again and again to calm you, but is all goes out of the window whenever I do something even a little bit wrong. But this new-found confidence within me is a good thing. Soon I am going tell someone, and then who will be laughing, Dan?

I'm not even sure when all it went wrong. We were happy together a couple of months ago. I think it started when we came out to the internet. I guess full effect of it hit you when we got all of the hate comments, and you started to doubt us. You can have fun explaining this to our fans.

Some of the viewers noticed the bruise on my neck the other day, from when you tried to throttle me. Remember? I tried to get out of it, and I think they believed me, but I am not a good liar anyway, so they will only believe my lame excuses for a while. Soon enough, they will see that the smiles we put on in our videos are fake. Soon they will see through the smiles to the darkness on the inside. I dread that day.

When I finally get my head together and go, what will you do with yourself? No one will love you. Not after everything you have done to me. No one wants to be friends with a bully, Dan. No one wants to fight you. They will just leave as soon as they realise what you are. I wish I had left earlier. I wish I hadn't been so stupid. _It will get better_ I used to tell myself. _Just hold on for now, he will come around. _Of course, was wrong, and now I am ashamed that I was so week and feeble.

At the end of the day, Dan, you will be the one left alone when all of this has passed over. It will be you who lives their life alone. The chances of anyone loving you are slim, just because of who you are on the inside.

I am sorry, Dan, but I am not prepared to relive the past couple of months. Goodbye.


	4. Piccadilly Station

Dan believes that dreams come true. Well, he does today.

He puts every effort into making sure that there is no sign of curliness in his chocolatey brown hair, straightening it over and over aging. He dresses in his best clothes because today is the day that he is finally going to meet the person who he has been dreaming to meet for years.

After weeks and weeks of talking through a screen, he is finally going to be face to face with AmazingPhil. _The _AmazingPhil. This is more than he could ever wish for, and beyond his wildest dreams.

After checking his hair one more time, Dan leaves the house, headed for the train station. No matter how much he tries, he cannot control the rampaging butterflies in his stomach. His only distraction is the music he blasts through his headphones as the train speeds closer and closer to Piccadilly station, where Phil will be waiting.

"The next stop shall be Piccadilly, we shall be arriving in ten minutes" The voice of the train driver rings through the train. Dan tries hard to contain his inner fangirl, condensing his feelings into a small smile which would be socially acceptable, if he didn't cover his mouth with his hand to suppress a squeal of excitement.

The moment the train starts to slow, Dan is on his feet, determined to be the first one off. His heart is racing, and the butterflies inside his stomach are now turning his insides to mush. As the doors slide open, Dan steps out, sick with the excitement he has felt all week.

He scans the crowd hurriedly, looking for the midnight black hair and dazzling blue eyes. Suddenly he spots him, through the hustle-bustle of people. Phil's face lights up when he sees Dan, and his heartbeat speeds up significantly. Phil stands up and starts to walk towards the boy with the brown hair and brown eyes.

Un-able to contain his excitement, Dan starts to run towards Phil. He half pushes through the crowd, getting very annoyed at people as they take there time in walking extremely slowly in his path. Finally breaking through the sea of people, he sprints as fast as he can towards the black haired boy.

Phil stands, rooted to the spot, as this tearful boy runs straight at him. He opens his arms, welcoming this boy, who he has only ever seen on a screen, into his arms.

It seems as though Dan has launched himself at Phil, but in actual fact, be tripped. Dan's heart skips a beat, as his feet stumble over each other, and he falls forward. He braces himself for the pain when landing, but it doesn't come. Phil catches him in is arms, saving him from falling.

Dan find his feet, a red hot blush spreading over his face, but Phil just stands there, smiling.

"Hey." Phil says, looking down at Dan, who is looking down at the floor in embarrassment. Dan looks up at him, overwhelmed with a thousand emotions running through his mind, tears in his eyes. Without thinking, he wraps his arms around Phil, and Phil hugs him back.

The two boys finally break apart, and Dan wipes his tears away, suddenly conscious of who he is stood in front of.

"Hi." Dan says, smiling widely at Phil.

They walk away from the station, both feeling on top of the world, and the happiest they have ever been.


	5. THE HOWLTER FAMILY - Dil's 4th Birthday

**This is just an idea I had, but I was thinking that I could make 'The Howlter Family' a thing, and write a few more things like this. Please let me know I f you think this is a good idea! Thank you for reading!**

They weren't the usual family you'd see around. You would expect a husband and a wife, and a couple of children, wouldn't you? But the Howlter family are different. They like to bend the rules, as they always have. The Howlter family consists of _two_ dads, and their one, precious son, Dil. It's not even a name, but Dil's parents, Dan and Phil, just liked it; I told you they weren't a regular family.

The particular day that I am going to tell you about, just so happens to be Dil's fourth birthday. His dads had bought him a few too many presents, as they did every year, but none were quite as good as the brand new tricycle that sat by the front door.

"Where's daddy?!" Dil whined impatiently, pulling on Phil's sleeve.

"I don't know, darling." Phil replied for the tenth time. "Shall we go find him?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Dil shouted, jumping up and down, so that his curly brown locks bounced around on his head. Phil led his son down the hallway, going on his tiptoes as he approached His and Dan's room.

"Shhh!" he hissed quietly, putting his finger on his lips. Dil took immediate action, and started creeping on his tiptoes, trying to walk as quietly as possible. When he reached his parent's room, he pushed the door open with a small creak. Dil watched in silence as his other Daddy put his straighteners down, before he ran into the room and jumped onto the bed.

"Daddy! Hurry up!" the child cried, throwing his small arms around Dan's neck.

"Okay, okay! I'm coming!" Dan said, exchanging an amused look with Phil as he put his phone in his pocket.

"Look, Daddy!" Dil said, turning to Dan and pointing at his black t shirt which had an eclipse on it, with an excited expression on his face. "Like yours!"

"Hey, copycat!" Dan said, poking Dil's armpit, making him scream with laughter and run out of the room.

"Did you get him that?" Dan asked Phil, smiling at him. Phil nodded overexcitedly. "You dork." Dan said, planting a kiss on Phil's forehead.

They arrived that the park ten minutes later, Phil pushing the tricycle, and Dan trying desperately to control the boy with a flashing number four on his chest

"Ready, Dil?" Dan said, securing the helmet on his son's head. Dil nodded excitedly,

"Hold tight!" Phil said, worrying because it had always been obvious that Dil had inherited his clumsiness.

With Dan on one side, and Phil on the other, they headed along the path, the only sound being Dil's hysterical laughter.

"Faster! Faster!" Dil giggled, throwing his head back and not even looking where he's going.

"Look where you're going then!" Phil sail, still worrying about him falling off.

"Pro tip!" Dan said to Phil, recalling the memories of the April fool's crafting video back in 2015, and sending Phil into a fit of giggles. Dan carried on with Dil, getting a little bit faster, and making the kid laugh even louder. This went on for ten minutes, until Dil suddenly decided that he was 'good enough' to do it on his own.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked him, cautiously.

"Yes!" Dil said, doing one of the heart melting smiles that he had inherited off Dan. "_Pleeaasse? Pretty _please_?" _

"Oh, _okay_ then!" Dan said nervously. The last thing he wanted was for Phil's clumsy genes to kick in.

The kid set off, somehow managing to forget that he had to look where he was going. Within five seconds of riding alone, he managed to tip the tricycle over, landing in a heap on the floor. Dil's cries spread through the park, as tears sprang up in his icy blue eyes.

"You're okay!" Phil said, rushing over to his screaming son with Dan, panicking slightly.

"Where did you hurt?" Dan said, brushing his son's hobbit hair off his face. Through the tears he pointed at his knee, which Phil somehow rubbed better in five seconds. Dil wiped his tears off his face, and scrambled to his feet, toddling over to Phil with his arms out. Phil lifted him up, rubbing his back to comfort him, and earing a look of pure love from Dan.

"D'you want to go home?" he said to the precious little boy in his arms. He got a nod in reply, so slowly, the Howlter family started to make their way home. Anyone watching closely could probably see that they aren't weird at all. They're just slightly different.


	6. Happy New Year

**PHAN ONE SHOT**

**Happy New Year**

*Dan's POV*

"Five! Four! Three! Two! One!" The crowd cheers loudly as the clock strikes 12:00am, and it is officially 2015. Church bells ring in the distance, and fireworks explode above us, lighting up everyone's faces.

Through my drunken state, I look across at Phil, who is cheering with the crowd and enjoying the fireworks, absolutely oblivious to the overwhelming urge I have to kiss him right now. He catches me looking at him and smiles at me, making my stomach flip like it does every time Phil looks at me. I wish he knew how much I loved him, but he probably doesn't feel the same way about me, anyway.

I take a swig from my glass, and suddenly the alcohol takes over my brain. Anything is possible, I just have to get the guts to do it.

I tap Phil's shoulder and gesture for him to follow me away from the people. He follows me with a confused look on his face as I lead him away from the fireworks and down the side of the countryside pub.

"What -" Phil starts, but I cut him off by kissing him hard on the lips. He doesn't react immediately, and seems quite taken aback at first, but after a couple of seconds he kisses back. I put my hands around Phil's waist and pull him closer to me so that we are completely pressed together, and he holds my head in his hands, running his long fingers through my hair.

My brain is numb apart from one thought: I am kissing Phil. I try to control the raving butterflies in my stomach by kissing harder, but the butterflies remain and it only makes me love him more. Our tongues explore each other's mouthes, and we literally couldn't be any closer together, but it just feels natural.

I suddenly become aware of the blasting fireworks above us, and break apart from Phil.

"Happy New Year, Phil."

"Happy New Year, Dan."

This year has only just begun, but I have a feeling it's going to be the best year of my life.


	7. Homeless

**PHAN ONE SHOT**

**Homeless**

~2022~

*Phil's POV*

My legs ache and all I want to do is sleep as I walk through the busy streets of London, on the way back from the radio station. Three years ago I would have had Dan to keep me company on the walk back home, but when his channel, danisnotonfire, was deleted by YouTube back in 2019, he went off to study law again.

We stayed in touch for the first two years, meeting up at Costa occasionally, and he seemed to be getting on well. But soon, the meet ups whittled down to a few texts every now and again, and about a year ago we lost contact completely. It's been a year and a half now, since I last looked into his beautiful brown eyes. I miss him so much it hurts sometimes, but I will get over it eventually, I have to.

The only thing that kept me going was my YouTube channel, AmazingPhil, and my fans. Lots of them were upset, like me, so through the videos and live shows, we helped each other along. So here I am, thirty five years old, sixteen years after my first video, stuck on the Internet with four million fans, while my best friend is probably a successful lawyer somewhere. And yes, Dan is still by best friend; no one else has come along.

Suddenly there is an excited squeal behind me. "Oh my god! It's Phil!" I spin around to see a short, black haired girl, hopping on the spot with excitement.

"Hey!" I say, putting a friendly smile on my face.

"This isn't real. This isn't real." She says quietly, more to herself than anyone else.

"I'm real." I convince her, approaching the emotional teenager.

"C-could I possibly h-have a photo?" She stutters, obviously nervous.

"Sure!" I say, taking her phone and taking the photo.

"Oh my god. Thank you!" She says, before rushing away, trying to take deep breaths.

I continue on my walk home, used to meeting fans after all these years. The only thing that has changed is that Dan is no longer with me. I am suddenly startled by movement in a shop doorway ahead. I see a black shadow, but as I get closer, I see that the shadow is a person. _A tramp_.

Suddenly feeling guilty, I search my pockets, finding a ten pound note. I approach the person wearily, holding the money with slightly shaking hands.

Dark eyes glare at me suspiciously as I get nearer, and silently I hand him the money. A dirty hand reaches out, taking the money, and his dark eyes brighten up as he smiles his thanks through long knotty hair. When he smiles, the corner of his eyes crinkle up, and dimples show on his young face.

That's when I see him. Hidden in dirt and disguised with a beard. My heart almost skips a beat, and I hold eye contact with him for a few seconds. There's no doubt about it, I could recognise those eyes anywhere.

*Dan's POV*

His blue eyes shine far too brightly, of course it's him. The guy I abandoned for a stupid collage degree in law, that was always going to back fire. Phil looks down on me for a few seconds, before a look of recognition flashes across his face and he lets out a small gasp.

"Dan?" He asks, cautiously. "Is that you?" A smile spreads across my face. _He remembers me_.

"Phil?" I reply, looking up at him and barely even believing my eyes. I have dreamt about being reunited with Phil for about a year now, never thinking in a million years that it would happen. Phil is speechless for a moment, and he just stands there staring at me incredulously, like I have just told him he's a wizard or something.

"Oh my god, Dan!" He exclaims, a huge, ear-to-ear smile spreading across his face. He crouches down beside me, and it turns out that smile is contagious. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you in there." I say, gesturing towards a small café nearby. "I'll pay." I hold out the money he just gave me with a smile on my face, and Phil helps me to my feet.

Phil is finally stood before me, after all this time. He suddenly pulls me into a tight hug.

"I've missed you so much." He says in my ear.

"I never stopped missing you." I reply, finally feeling happy.


	8. One Second, One Mistake

*Dan's POV*

One second he was there, right beside me, his face scrunched up as he laughed, and his blue eyes shining brightly. The next second was crucial. That one second, one mistake, made all the difference.  
The mistake sent him flying over the bonnet of a car in slow motion, and all I could do was watch.  
It was only when his limp body hit the Tarmac road that I came to my senses. I can't remember much about it, just that I was crying and screaming Phil's name, and he wasn't responding. I will never forget the sight of Phil's beautiful face, bruised and bloody. It's almost as though the sight has been tattooed onto the inside of my eyelids. I remember the feel of his still warm skin, really not matching with his snow white face. That feeling of dread that I was certain would never go.  
In the time that I was knelt by his side, ambulances had arrived, and blue lights were flashing around me, sirens blaring down the road. I remember being pulled away from Phil by strong arms that I couldn't fight, and watching as people dressed in bright yellow jackets secured him onto a stretcher.  
The next thing I knew, I was chasing after Phil as doctors and nurses rushed him through the clean hospital and into a room that I wasn't allowed in. I was told to wait outside, and I am still sat here now.  
My hands haven't stopped shaking in all of the time I have been here, and I have refused any water or anything that the concerned looking nurses have offered me. At last, a man comes out of the room Phil is in, making me surface from the stupor I was in.  
"How is he?" I ask, standing up. "Can I go and see him?"  
"There is a small bleed on his brain, but we cannot take action until he has woken up." The grey haired man tells me. "You may go and see Phillip, but he is currently still unconscious."  
"Thank you!" I say, quickly, as I rush through the door on wobbly legs.  
The sight almost chokes me. There, on the bed, is Phil, pale and bruised and oblivious to everything around him. I try to say his name, but my words get caught in my throat, and instead a choked cry escapes my mouth.  
Phil's hand is cold in mine, but the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor tells me that his heart is still beating. I brush a strand of ebony hair from his face, and a single tear drops onto his face. I wipe it off gently, scared to hurt his purple bruises. This isn't happening. I can't be. It's just a nightmare and I'll wake up in a minute and Phil will be lay beside me and everything will be okay. But it all feels too real. In a sudden wave of longing, I kiss Phil's forehead lightly, and before I know it, I am talking to him, knowing full well that he probably can't hear me.  
"Phil," I start, "um, you probably aren't even listening, but I just want to say that I love you." Tears start to flow down my cheeks, and with them come more words.  
"I just wanted to let you know that. You probably already know though, don't you? I tell you enough times!" I let out a half hearted laugh, but the heartache doesn't go.  
"You're going to be okay, I'm sure you will. You're strong. You'll pull through." The words hurt, because deep down I feel like I'm saying it all to comfort myself. "Just hold on, lion. Hold on for me." It all becomes too much, and I break down in tears, resting my head on his chest.  
Not soon after, someone's hand rests on my back. He hand is cold, but strangely comforting and familiar. I snap my head up to see blue eyes. They stare right into mine.  
"I love you too, Dan." Phil says, looking right into my eyes.  
"Phil?" I whisper, not believing my eyes.  
"Always have done, always will do." His voice is weak and hoarse.  
"I don't think I've got long, Dan." My name rolls off his tongue like it always has. "But when I go, please move on."  
"Phil don't be stupid, you're going to be okay." I say, rubbing his cheek to comfort him.  
"Please forget about me, you'll be fine." His breaths are rattling, almost as though they are painful. His eyes start to shut, but he drags them open one more time. "I love you, Dan."  
His eyes slowly shut again, and after one last grunt of a breath, his heart stops.  
The rhythmic beeps of the heart monitor turn into a never ending bleep that rings in my ears. It goes on and on. But Phil's still alive, he has to be. He can't die. Not my Phil.


End file.
